What if
by The Creepy-Psycho-Loner
Summary: Mikey laments the realities of his actions, because he'd do the absolute anything for his brothers. Rated for language


**What if** by The Creepy-Psycho-Loner

 **AN** : Sorry for any mistakes

* * *

 _ **"-Michelangelo! I swear ta hell that you're gonna be mincemeat when I'm done with ya, ya hear me? Goddammit you sonova**_ **bi** _ **-"**_

Mikey hangs up before the message even gets to him and without a second thought, he ditches the cell. Raph was already giving him death threats and he was quite positive that at this point there was no turning back. However, this time it wasn't his usual Raph rage at something dumb Mikey did (scratch that, it was TOTALLY Raph rage at something Mikey did) but it was also big brother anger. Big brother anger consisted of grief, brood, and angst. It was the worst kind of anger, the one Leo always reserved for Raph and Mikey was wholly unprepared for the same aimed at him, ironically by his hotheaded brother.

But Mikey was doing this for them, he swore it. He wasn't good for any of them, and their last battle shook him up when Donnie took a blow meant for _him_ that ended up with Donnie unconscious- and _bleeding_. Mikey never saw Leo so terribly upset before, never saw Raph so defeated, and never saw any of this raw disappointment aimed at him so deeply. That night he made up his mind. He'll never go back home, never cause a distraction anymore, and it will protect his brothers.

He waited until Donnie woke up, had to touch him and make sure it was true. He said it was only a concussion but Mikey still insisted the what ifs. Because really, what if it was something more fatal. Mikey doesn't want to think about that, not ever. He grew up to believe his brothers were immortal.

"I'm leaving." Mikey said it so simply; Ignored the looks of confusion. And when he walked out the door, hearing the concerned shouts of his brothers, he didn't dare look back. It hurt his heart, his soul, but he did it all for them. To keep them sound and safe.

Mikey knew that foot activity was cranked on high but he never gave it thought until now, as he was surrounded. He was too numb to think, to care. He wasn't going back and he could handle this. He grabbed his nunchucks from his belt, but he didn't taunt. He knew better. Without hesitation he started to strike and to his satisfaction they started to fall one by one. It was their fault Donnie got that concussion. It was their fault they even feared for their lives.

He didn't see the blade until now.

He knew there was no time to react.

So he just stood there, eyes wide and scared and wanting his big brothers. The blade fell still and then with its wielder, fell to the ground. The ninja's back was embedded with a familiar, red bound sai. The atmosphere grew silent, staring, before the remaining ninjas made a retreat. Mikey just stood there staring as three shadows morphed into his brothers. Mikey didn't want to see them, wanted to run. His mouth and eyes were wide, like a deer in headlights. He almost turned to run but strong hands grabbed him and threw him to the ground forcefully.

"Mikey what the _actual fuckin' hell_ were you thinkin'!" came the not-a-question from hot head himself. Mikey only dumbly stared at him, almost literally shitting himself. "We already have one brother to concern after but _holy_ hell what were you thinking?"

Donnie had tears running down his face when Mikey looked at him. "We thought the worst had happened to you when we found your phone. And it almost did!"

Leo didn't say anything. His face was stoic and fiery and looking away from him, at the small drizzle of time effective rain and the gray-sepia sky.

"I just... I'm always screwing up and I thought that... I -if I left, you guys wouldn't get hurt anymore," came Mikey's silent explanation.

"Well I think you're right about screwing up because what you just did was **really** stupid, but we get hurt regardless," Donnie sighed.

"You think that you ripping yourself away from us hurt any damn less?" Raph spat.

"What if one day the worst happens and it's all my fault?" Mikey cried.

Donnie cried too, because it just wasn't true. Mikey was so precious to him- to them- why would he think... "We will always protect you... and if one of us were to die saving you, that's the best way to go. Saving a brother. No other thought."

Mikey kept shaking in disagreement and Donnie grew more and more upset. Raph looked at Leo, who gave him a defeated sigh. Raph was afraid of that thought, of losing his brothers. But they all agreed that sacrificing for each other is what makes it all worthwhile.

Mikey sniffed in Donnie's arms. "If ANY of us were to go, I would rather it be m-"

"Michelangelo, I don't ever, **ever** , want to hear you say such wrong things about yourself again. You're literally our souls and our laughter. I rather no one dies but as long as I'm living, you're never going to die. Not a single one of you. And you're going to just have to deal with that."

It grew silent again, when Mikey realized he had no argument. So he just sulked into Donnie.

"Let's go before I clobber ya, knucklehead," Raph grunted in frustration. "It's gonna rain heavy soon."

They started on their way home, with Mikey's head bowed in resignation.

"Mikey," Raph said softly. "You may not see it now, but we need you more than you may think."

And years later after the death of Splinter, Mikey figures out how painfully dependent they are of him. If Mikey died that day, would anybody still be alive?


End file.
